It's a Red letter day!

Hey guys, so first off let me sincerely apologize for not having a blog up last week. Twas the holiday and yours truly was not feeling well so mix that all up together and you have a no “Kei Thoughts” week, because my only real thoughts were, “someone please pass me the medicine!” No worries though, I promise never to not have a blog up without telling you guys first! Friends again? (waits for answer)…I’m just assuming you said yes, so great, lets get down to blogging business!

Heavy topic for this week people, but that’s because it’s in honor of today which if you don’t know is World AIDS Day. Most people show their support by wearing red ribbons, or just something red in general to show support.

How many people are lost to the disease? Way to many! But how many people have lost someone personally to the disease…for me it’s one, my uncle Demetrius. He succumbed to the disease in 1998, 3 days before my 12^th birthday…wasn’t a happy birthday either I can tell you that, and not only because someone had died before my birthday but he was my ABSOLUTE favorite uncle. He was cultured, smart, very handsome, could sing extremely well, and he loved me so for this blog post, I’m remembering him.

He didn’t tell me he was sick when he moved back to Michigan from California. For all I knew and my cousins knew, he just missed his family. It wasn’t until a tad bit later that my mom told me he was sick, and that’s all she said, “he was sick”, there was no particular brand of disease, it was just, “he was sick,” looking back I can see it was just to hard for her to say. I didn’t care that he was sick, I was concerned that he lived with my grandfather because he was so self-sufficient, but my mom just said, “because he’s sick, he wants to be home with his family,” I later learned it was because he was doing hospice care. During the 90’s the medicines were HARDLY as advanced as they are today and by the time he came home to my grandfathers’ there was nothing more medicine could really do for him so rather then be in California, he came home to spend the last few months with his family.

He and I had this treat we’d always eat together, Doritos “Taco Supreme” chips, and its not the regular “Taco” ones like now, the “Taco Supreme” were better…they were our favorites, whenever I went out I’d always make sure to get him a bag, and whenever he went out- which was very little because people with AIDS can often have very severe reactions from simple things like colds so I should say when my grandfather went out- he’d always get me a bag and then we’d sit and watch TV or talk…we just always really connected, thought the same things about shows or things happening in the family, and he was really easy to talk to. Years and years earlier back when he lived in California, my mom had to have an hysterectomy, my dad stayed by my moms side, my brothers were the same age so they had each other and basically it was up to my moms sisters (my aunts) to take care of me but of course they were worried about her, but my uncle came home to check on his sister and he knew I might have been young but I was aware of the seriousness of the situation and he saw me sittin in the hospital and he just took me, and we walked, he talked with me, took my mind off the whole situation AND, he got me a treat…it was my first snack cake, hospital brand, not little Debbie, (I know I shouldn’t brag about that with the “war on trans-fat” these days”) but everything he did completely made me forget, the next thing I remember is being home with my mom. He just had a calming nature about him. It’s probably how none of us younger generation of children at the time knew how sick he was, until he really started to look it.

He used to live upstairs at my grandfathers house, but then one day he moved to 1^st floor room, and then later his room was filled with lots of medical stuff, including a hospital bed. Now I was still going around him a lot, but I was still a kid, I was curious about things, I used to look at everything, all the needles and pills he needed…couldn’t understand a word of what they meant but knew it was serious, and after a while my mom sat me down again, according to her, “he has cancer.” Considering I had known my godmothers friend who had cancer, I naively assumed, “he may have cancer but she lived for a long time with it, so of course my uncle will too.” Like I said I naively believed this.

He kept getting sicker, one day he could barely lift his fork, and my grandfather had to do it for him, and then he could barely walk, so he was limited to bed rest, and then came a point to where he couldn’t communicate with us anymore. I think that was the hardest, I could tell he was slipping away because he couldn’t really recognize me. Didn’t stop me from watching TV with him, he was still there, and as long as he was, I was too. I was just confused, I had never seen cancer move so fast, I didn’t understand how he could be getting so sick so fast, but he kept getting sicker.

He passed on a Sunday morning. My mom and I were at church actually. I knew something was up when my brother came to pick me up and my godmother (my moms cousin) came to pick her up. In the car my brother told me what happened. It was a long ride to my grandfathers house, longer than usual, and cold…I just stared out the window the whole time. I didn’t cry. I was too shocked. When we got to my grandfathers, half the family was there, they asked if I wanted to see him and say goodbye, I declined. I couldn’t see him like that. Not my normally funny, charismatic, wonderful uncle. He wouldn’t want me to see him like that. I didn’t see him again ‘til the funeral.

He just had to go a few days before my birthday…It wasn’t a good one like I said, even though everyone was tryin to keep me in good spirits, they pretty much ended with “its sucks though doesn’t it,” which it did. The funeral was huge, he had a lot of friends, all the family was there. If you’ve ever been to a funeral, Before it starts all who enter are suppose to wait right outside, but my younger cousin by just a year was in the chapel, just sitting and crying, he’s a year younger, but much taller, and he just broke down, crying, I was just as hurt but it didn’t hit me yet, I went in and got him. Then the funeral started…not a dry eye in the house, and by that time my eyes weren’t dry either, I was gasping for air, I was so sad, I just couldn’t believe it. However in a way I was happy...I had seen what the sickness did to him, and I was happy he didn’t have to go through it anymore.

He took the chips with him too. I know you’re thinking, “what does that mean,” but I’m serious, I think he took them with him. You see after he died, they stopped making “Taco Supreme” chips, so I used to tell myself as a kid, he took all of them with him, so that when we finally do see each other again, we can share them just like we used too….I know that sounds childish but I’d like to still believe it’s true.

How does any of this have to do with World AIDS Day though is what I’m sure you’re thinking though right? I mean she just talked about her uncle with cancer and that’s hardly the same…well if you haven’t guessed it, my uncle didn’t really have cancer, my uncle had full blown AIDS. You see my mother and my aunts never told us children until we got older because they didn’t think we could have handled the info because info came with extra info and that’s a long story for another day. They did what they thought was best at the time and I can't fault them for that...I used too but getting older I realized the disease was just as odd and new to them as it was to us children.

He used to make me smile…he was care-free, passionate, wonderful…he was here for a moment…and then he was gone. I’m hoping that somewhere up there, he knows I did this post for him and he’s smiling….but knowing my uncle as well as I did I know he is…and eating our chips!

Have just a little bit more info for you guys…AIDS is not a gay disease or a one race disease…far from it…the disease sadly strikes millions of people, like my uncle, and children who never get the chance to live up to their full potential. So on these days it’s important to take a stand, I support education, prevention, and research to make this horrid disease disappear forever so that no one will ever suffer the devastating loss of losing someone to it. Let’s kill AIDS before it kills someone you know. Just something to think about…

~Kei

Does it matter where you measure???

Took forever to post this time didn’t I? Sorry about that, but…Hey guys, it’s that fantastic blogging time yet again and I’m back with your weekly update. First off, this blog post has nothing to do with anything ‘dirty’ so if you thought ‘Does it matter where you measure,” has something to do with particular body parts…don’t worry, (and for some of you, I’m sorry and will see if I can’t bring you something more racy next time!)

Think you know where measure in someone’s life? I think we’d all like to think that for our closest friends and even family that we rank pretty high. People find it comforting to think that they’re that important to other people but what if you found out that maybe you don’t rank as high to a person as you think you do. And, if you found out where you rank is someone’s life, would that make you change his or her status?

Taking you guys back a week on this emotional rollercoaster of life...unfortunately (however eye-opening), I was recently in a situation where I found out where I ranked in someone’s life and it wasn’t someone in my professional life, so basically that leaves family or friend, both of which are very important to me. You see, I had called on this person for a favor, and in the past they’ve always agreed but this it was different. It was a whole bunch of talking that basically added up to them not being able to come through for me, one of the first time history so color me shocked and why I felt necessary to speak on it today.

It’s fair to say the only reason I noticed and the only reason most people notice what they rank in someone’s life is because you find out, you’re lower than what you think you are and however un-shallow/non-conceited we’d like to think we are, that does take at least a small hit to your ego. And I know it personally hurt my feelings because I did know I used to rank higher, but somewhere along the way, priorities changed and I was lowered on the list. Realistically, because the priorities were important to this person, I consciously knew I was lowered but for some small reason, in the back of my head, I was holding onto the ‘hope’ that nothing had changed and that I was ALWAYS gonna be pretty darn high ranking on this persons list, but then I talked to them and what I heard made me finally realize that I had indeed dropped rank and it burst my hope bubble, sad but true. Now of course this person didn’t say, “you dropped down on my list of priorities,” or anything to that liking and most people never will, you can hear it in their voice, how they address you, how they act, how they say certain things to you or don’t say certain things.

I also don’t think I would have been so concerned dropping down in rank if this person wasn’t high on my list or important to me, so hearing that, and knowing it just hurt a little bit more, and then my next thought was do I lower them in my personal rank just because I was lowered?

I’m not gonna lie, I had thought about it for a while, like a couple of days because of course I was hurt but also because I’d never want to be in a situation where I needed this person and because of where I was on their list now, I wouldn’t be a priority. Then I realized, that’s kinda silly. It’s impossible to try to imagine every scenario where I might need this person above any other, and I don’t have the patience or the want to sit around and think about it. If there was one life lesson I thought I had down pat, I sure thought it was this one, which is different situations calls for different people, and sometimes the people you least suspect-who you might rank low on your list-to help are the ones who end up surprising you or helping you the most. Not to mention new people come into your life all the time and replace other people, it’s just a fact of life you have to get used to... sometimes you are gonna be top priority and other times you’re just gonna be A priority, and I thought I had already learned this lesson but often times in life there’s things that have to be re-learned or re-understood and this was mine. I had almost forgot that whether you rank number three or number four, whether you’re the first person someone might call or the last person, the point is…that IS special. Because at the end of the day, the person is still saying what you want them to say…“you still matter to me.” Just something to think about…

~Kei

Gettin' Fed Up...

Hey everybody, so I’m back once again with your weekly update! First things first, did anybody else enjoy that extra of sleep thanks to daylight savings time??? I sure did, I mean I have NO idea why we have daylight savings time, something about people being more productive and saving on heating and whatnot but I DO enjoy the “fall back”, it puts such an extra pep in peoples step, and c’mon that extra hour of sleep is FANTASTIC! Now to “spring forward” is a whole other issue but we’ll talk about that when it rolls around, until then just enjoy the extra hour energy you might have until your body gets completely used to it!

So lets get down to business….

In a time long, long, LOOOONNGGG ago, (I’m talking high school which actually is not to long ago but stay with me) I used to be junky…really junky. I used to let stuff pile up in my room, clothes, papers, pens, anything, (keep in mind I said junky not nasty, never food or things that could rot) I mean you name it and I did not like to clean up. It was very frustrating for my parents who were actually very tidy. You know…” a place for everything and everything in its place” kinda folks, so they don’t know where I came from…suppose I just inherited the “junk gene” from somewhere else.

Now don’t get me wrong, I was never a pre-existing candidate for “Hoarders,” usually when it got to much, my parents told me “Clean!” but I always felt like it was a hassle…then I got to college, wasn’t much room to BE junky in the dorms so that wasn’t too much of a problem but when I was FINALLY able to move into my own apartment, my junk-gene kicked in again but it remained in my room, all common areas were clean and suitable for guests because my roomie/good friend was NOT having that, and she wondered why I was so junky, and I just shrugged her off. If she asked me to clean, I did, but like when I was a child, it just felt like a hassle until ONE DAY I finally got it, I woke up and was absolutely sick of looking at my room all junky, I just HAD to clean it, AND my bathroom, and it scared my roommate (mainly because I almost turned my bathroom into a gas chamber mixing various chemicals to get it clean) but also because she was wondering why I would want to clean it after all the times SHE told me and of what she knew my PARENTS had told me, I mean why would I all of a sudden want to be neater???

The answer was simple, I was fed up…not because of what everyone else had told me, but personally I was fed up, I was tired of searching for papers, or clothes, or pens, or anything I needed I just wanted everything not to be a struggle for myself, and I realized being neater would make that happen, and I just realized recently that my silly junky situation was a bit of a metaphor for life.

The point of my narrative down memory lane was to explain that people don’t change until they want to. It’s personal change that happens internally, hence the ‘personal’ part and no one can force that on you. I found this point especially true when it comes to relationships. (Personal side note: I love to observe relationships, especially my friends), And this particular situation I’ve observed a number of times but have you ever seen your friend in a crappy relationship and you tell them so many times to dump that ‘loser’ or whatever explicit you choose, and for a while they might but the odds are they just go back to him or her or find another jerk that resembles the one you just told her to kick the curb. It’s so very frustrating because one: you’re sittin there like ‘what’s the deal, you can do WAY better’ but two: because they appear to like it, maybe even love it, and they feel there’s nothing wrong with it so there’s no need fix what isn’t broke in their relationship so to speak.

I mean, let’s keep in mind, most people don’t change things because things are going good…you change things because you NEED a change, you CRAVE it, you WANT it, and it could be something as simple as my need to go from junk-tastic to keeping it cleanly or could be more serious like concerning a job, being in certain position and then maybe applying for a different or higher position, or like I said, being in relationships like if someone is doing you wrong, you just might let them keep doing you wrong until YOU get fed up with the situation and decide that something needs to be done. No one can force change upon on you…actually they could, but in those cases it doesn’t always last.

You have to be ready to do something about it, and it doesn’t always happen over night. Sometimes it’s a work in progress, little things you do to help make changes easier, sometimes its fast like mine was, you just wake up, can’t stand it anymore and then boom, its changed. The way it works however, doesn’t change the moment it takes you to get there, its about seeing your situation, no matter what it is, putting your foot down and saying, enough is enough.

Because if there’s one thing I’ve learned from my former junky self, to observing my friends relationships, it’s that when you get tired…really tired or fed up…. Nothing in the world can stop you from making a change. Just something to think about...

~Kei~

Lovers and Friends...

Hey everybody,

So for my first post I thought I’d start out with a subject that most people have had some expertise/problems/hilarious situations with…DATING! Don’t worry I’m gonna narrow it down, but I’m first I’m gonna give you a little narrative so you can maybe see why this subject popped in my head and I’ll try to make it as short as possible without leaving out good details, and its in italics to give you that sort of voice-over feeling...enjoy.

So recently my sister and my nieces visited the rest of the family and me just for a nice visit (my sister and her family stay in Ohio). My nieces wanted to go out with me, and don’t worry, one is the same age as me and the other is 18 (blame that on my sister being significantly older than me) but anyways so we all went out to a club, had a great time and then it was time to get back to the car. If any of you have ever been to a club in a city-driven area, then you know often times the most interesting action takes place OUTSIDE the club at the end of the night…that’s when the fights break out, the music is pumpin, the people show off their cars, and of course when the fella’s try to get ladies digits (phone numbers)! I was driving, my niece that’s the same age as me was in the passengers seat and the younger one was in the backseat passenger side, of course there was traffic out so we just had to wait and it was still warm outside so the windows were open, a lot of guys who passed by the cars were hollering (tryin to talk) to my nieces, now that didn’t bug me, they’re attractive girls and they can handle themselves, meanwhile I’m trying to see if the traffics ever gonna let up and also texting my friends (and I wasn’t texting while driving, the car was not moving) so I notice that the conversation is getting really heated between my niece and this one guy and they end up arguing, I get up out the car and tell the guy basically to walk away, some of his friends are egging him on and some of his friends are like “this is embarrassing, ” “let’s go,” “I wanna leave,” “I’m hungry,” etc. One of the nice friends comes over and apologizes to me, and I’m a bit ashamed to say while the arguing continued I had a nice conversation with the friend, he was actually a nice guy and I did give him my cell number, pretty much sure he wasn’t going to call but since he took the time to see if the number I gave him was real I was like “why not?” The argument between my nieces and the guys stop, they walk away, the traffic lets up, we leave and are about to go get something to eat but I have to get gas, so I send my nieces to pay for the gas while I pump it when (ring ring) I get a phone call, it’s the guy I had given my number to, I was actually shocked he called. Don’t worry I have a point coming up very soon! Anyways, we talk and he’s like “come to the casino so we can hang out” I was like “wait a minute, didn’t your boys just have an argument with my nieces aren’t they gonna be there?” He said he didn’t care about his boys, he just wanted to spend some time with me and he’d take care of his friends so they don’t bother my nieces. I ended up declining and got my nieces some late night dinner/breakfast and took them back to where they were staying, on the ride home though, the question that kept popping into my head was….

Can you have a successful relationship with your boyfriend/girlfriend if they don’t get along with your friends????

I mean, Yes, I understand those were my nieces so I’m probably a tad more protective but being they’re around the same age as me I see them as friends as well, not to mention I see my friends much more often than I see my family, so they wouldn’t have to endure a boyfriend as much as friends would so I wonder about the possibility.

I have a friend who used to make it an a priority that her boyfriend got along with her friends, so much so in fact that at times you could talk to him easier than you could to her, he ended up becoming “just one of the friends”, you almost forgot that they were dating if they didn’t occasionally kiss. Then I had this one friend who she KNEW everyone hated her boyfriend, we all kinda thought he was a jerk so there was really no redeeming him in our eyes, but we learned to keep our opinions to ourselves when we saw that it hurt her. Unfortunately that can make you a bad friend but that I can see how that would get annoying to our friend when she wants to talk about her boyfriend and she already knows how we feel, yet she did manage to keep us all separate so she could function happily between the friendship world and the personal relationship world.

Now these guys are long gone now, both my friends have moved on and are very happy in their current relationships but it still makes me wonder, if I had a boyfriend would I care if he got along with my friends? I’m not sure, I mean say I had a guy who just was wonderful to me, for me, and just made me happy but he and my friends were just not able to get along but I have a group of friends who mean the world to me too and I value their opinions. I mean, I get that there are plenty of worlds you keep separate, there’s work and school, there’s friend and family and now I recognize the friend and “more than friend” world.

One thing I do understand however and fully believe thought its that if you can’t occasionally overlap these worlds without it breaking out into WWIII, then how are you going to be happy? Now don’t get me wrong…it’s possible…it is FULLY possible because I have seen guys and girls work to make sure both words are satisfied but if you have to work extra hard to make sure others are happy, when are you going to be able to relax and just be happy for yourself? Just something to think about…

~Kei~

Let's get things started....

Hey everybody,

So this is my first post on my blog. I guess I should tell you what the blog consists of so you know if you want to continue reading or not but I’m afraid that’s not possible since its gonna be pretty random. One week the subject could be about current events, the next week it could be about socks…well not really since socks don’t fascinate me that much -except the one that ALWAYS gets lost in the dryer..it’s the weirdest thing isn’t it?- but I digress, my posts are all about random things that might happen around me, to me, things that I see or fascinate me and want to comment on, its pretty much a free-for-all…a free-for-all that I hope people enjoy.

I’m all about sparkin’ up conversation, so comment how you feel, comment on others comments, I just ask for no “low comment blows!!!” Although sarcastic comments are always welcome. So without further jib-jab (excess talking in Kei speak), let’s kick this blog off the right way….