Hey guys, so first off let me sincerely apologize for not having a blog up last week. Twas the holiday and yours truly was not feeling well so mix that all up together and you have a no “Kei Thoughts” week, because my only real thoughts were, “someone please pass me the medicine!” No worries though, I promise never to not have a blog up without telling you guys first! Friends again? (waits for answer)…I’m just assuming you said yes, so great, lets get down to blogging business!
Heavy topic for this week people, but that’s because it’s in honor of today which if you don’t know is World AIDS Day. Most people show their support by wearing red ribbons, or just something red in general to show support.
How many people are lost to the disease? Way to many! But how many people have lost someone personally to the disease…for me it’s one, my uncle Demetrius. He succumbed to the disease in 1998, 3 days before my 12th birthday…wasn’t a happy birthday either I can tell you that, and not only because someone had died before my birthday but he was my ABSOLUTE favorite uncle. He was cultured, smart, very handsome, could sing extremely well, and he loved me so for this blog post, I’m remembering him.
He didn’t tell me he was sick when he moved back to Michigan from California. For all I knew and my cousins knew, he just missed his family. It wasn’t until a tad bit later that my mom told me he was sick, and that’s all she said, “he was sick”, there was no particular brand of disease, it was just, “he was sick,” looking back I can see it was just to hard for her to say. I didn’t care that he was sick, I was concerned that he lived with my grandfather because he was so self-sufficient, but my mom just said, “because he’s sick, he wants to be home with his family,” I later learned it was because he was doing hospice care. During the 90’s the medicines were HARDLY as advanced as they are today and by the time he came home to my grandfathers’ there was nothing more medicine could really do for him so rather then be in California, he came home to spend the last few months with his family.
He and I had this treat we’d always eat together, Doritos “Taco Supreme” chips, and its not the regular “Taco” ones like now, the “Taco Supreme” were better…they were our favorites, whenever I went out I’d always make sure to get him a bag, and whenever he went out- which was very little because people with AIDS can often have very severe reactions from simple things like colds so I should say when my grandfather went out- he’d always get me a bag and then we’d sit and watch TV or talk…we just always really connected, thought the same things about shows or things happening in the family, and he was really easy to talk to. Years and years earlier back when he lived in California, my mom had to have an hysterectomy, my dad stayed by my moms side, my brothers were the same age so they had each other and basically it was up to my moms sisters (my aunts) to take care of me but of course they were worried about her, but my uncle came home to check on his sister and he knew I might have been young but I was aware of the seriousness of the situation and he saw me sittin in the hospital and he just took me, and we walked, he talked with me, took my mind off the whole situation AND, he got me a treat…it was my first snack cake, hospital brand, not little Debbie, (I know I shouldn’t brag about that with the “war on trans-fat” these days”) but everything he did completely made me forget, the next thing I remember is being home with my mom. He just had a calming nature about him. It’s probably how none of us younger generation of children at the time knew how sick he was, until he really started to look it.
He used to live upstairs at my grandfathers house, but then one day he moved to 1st floor room, and then later his room was filled with lots of medical stuff, including a hospital bed. Now I was still going around him a lot, but I was still a kid, I was curious about things, I used to look at everything, all the needles and pills he needed…couldn’t understand a word of what they meant but knew it was serious, and after a while my mom sat me down again, according to her, “he has cancer.” Considering I had known my godmothers friend who had cancer, I naively assumed, “he may have cancer but she lived for a long time with it, so of course my uncle will too.” Like I said I naively believed this.
He kept getting sicker, one day he could barely lift his fork, and my grandfather had to do it for him, and then he could barely walk, so he was limited to bed rest, and then came a point to where he couldn’t communicate with us anymore. I think that was the hardest, I could tell he was slipping away because he couldn’t really recognize me. Didn’t stop me from watching TV with him, he was still there, and as long as he was, I was too. I was just confused, I had never seen cancer move so fast, I didn’t understand how he could be getting so sick so fast, but he kept getting sicker.
He passed on a Sunday morning. My mom and I were at church actually. I knew something was up when my brother came to pick me up and my godmother (my moms cousin) came to pick her up. In the car my brother told me what happened. It was a long ride to my grandfathers house, longer than usual, and cold…I just stared out the window the whole time. I didn’t cry. I was too shocked. When we got to my grandfathers, half the family was there, they asked if I wanted to see him and say goodbye, I declined. I couldn’t see him like that. Not my normally funny, charismatic, wonderful uncle. He wouldn’t want me to see him like that. I didn’t see him again ‘til the funeral.
He just had to go a few days before my birthday…It wasn’t a good one like I said, even though everyone was tryin to keep me in good spirits, they pretty much ended with “its sucks though doesn’t it,” which it did. The funeral was huge, he had a lot of friends, all the family was there. If you’ve ever been to a funeral, Before it starts all who enter are suppose to wait right outside, but my younger cousin by just a year was in the chapel, just sitting and crying, he’s a year younger, but much taller, and he just broke down, crying, I was just as hurt but it didn’t hit me yet, I went in and got him. Then the funeral started…not a dry eye in the house, and by that time my eyes weren’t dry either, I was gasping for air, I was so sad, I just couldn’t believe it. However in a way I was happy...I had seen what the sickness did to him, and I was happy he didn’t have to go through it anymore.
He took the chips with him too. I know you’re thinking, “what does that mean,” but I’m serious, I think he took them with him. You see after he died, they stopped making “Taco Supreme” chips, so I used to tell myself as a kid, he took all of them with him, so that when we finally do see each other again, we can share them just like we used too….I know that sounds childish but I’d like to still believe it’s true.
How does any of this have to do with World AIDS Day though is what I’m sure you’re thinking though right? I mean she just talked about her uncle with cancer and that’s hardly the same…well if you haven’t guessed it, my uncle didn’t really have cancer, my uncle had full blown AIDS. You see my mother and my aunts never told us children until we got older because they didn’t think we could have handled the info because info came with extra info and that’s a long story for another day. They did what they thought was best at the time and I can't fault them for that...I used too but getting older I realized the disease was just as odd and new to them as it was to us children.
He used to make me smile…he was care-free, passionate, wonderful…he was here for a moment…and then he was gone. I’m hoping that somewhere up there, he knows I did this post for him and he’s smiling….but knowing my uncle as well as I did I know he is…and eating our chips!
Have just a little bit more info for you guys…AIDS is not a gay disease or a one race disease…far from it…the disease sadly strikes millions of people, like my uncle, and children who never get the chance to live up to their full potential. So on these days it’s important to take a stand, I support education, prevention, and research to make this horrid disease disappear forever so that no one will ever suffer the devastating loss of losing someone to it. Let’s kill AIDS before it kills someone you know. Just something to think about…
~Kei
